If you want to excel, personally or professionally, one thing you need in your arsenal of skills is the ability to give clarity.
Notice I said “skills”. Many people have difficulty being clear with others because they don’t possess the skill to do so.
Specifically, we’re talking about a communication skill.
And, this is one of those areas of life where people often think they’re doing just fine, but others know otherwise. These are the ones, like some bosses, who respond to us with, “I already told you what to do”, when they had previously only mumbled some incoherent nonsense.
What, exactly, do we need to be clear with others about, and why?
Here are my top 7 things:
1. Clarify Your EXPECTATIONS
Why? Because you set others up for success when they’re clear on what you expect of them. You’re giving them a “visible” TARGET to shoot at.
However, you’re decreasing people’s chances of “delivering” when you keep them in the dark, or even in the “dusk”, about what exactly delivering MEANS.
If people don’t know what you expect of them, then you shouldn’t be surprised when you don’t get it!
And remember this . . . most things ARE NOT as obvious to others as YOU think they are. Open your mouth and make it plain!
2. Clarify Your NEEDS
Why? This is related to expectations. People can’t read your mind!
Again, thinking “it’s obvious” or “she should know” won’t cut it. Step up and make your needs known. That’s YOUR responsibility—OWN it.
3. Clarify Your THOUGHTS
Why? So people UNDERSTAND you! And being understood is important because when you’re MISunderstood, things begin to unravel, in some way, little by little.
There are a number of important related words that fall under this category: your stance, your position, your perspective, your opinion, your point of view, your interpretation, your rationale, your reasoning.
Silence can be golden, or it can be rusty. There are times to communicate clearly what you think.
For example, as a leader, if you don’t tell others WHY you’re making a particular decision, you may not get buy-in, and then you have to waste time on dealing with people’s resistance and passive-aggressive behavior.
4. Clarify Your LIMITS
Why? If you don’t say NO to others, they’ll keep asking, hoping, and expecting you to deliver. And then you won’t. Then you’ll have a conflict on your hands.
If you relish conflict, congratulations—this will be a perfect way for you to go!
It’s crucial for others to know what your boundaries are, and what you will and won’t do.
If there’s an internal “no” inside of you, then there should be an external “no” coming out of your mouth. Stop confusing people, or getting their hopes up. Have the guts to say no when you need to.
5. Clarify Your FEELINGS
Why? First of all, when I say “feelings”, I mean “emotions”. Expressing what you feel can add impact, and extra clarity, to your communication.
Of course, you need to use discretion. Examples: “I feel frustrated”. “I feel satisfied”. “I feel overwhelmed.”
All of these lead to deeper clarity, which lead to more powerful communication, which leads to better solutions.
6. Clarify Your INTENTIONS
Why? It helps others understand the underlying reasons you’re saying or doing something. It creates a context.
For example, saying, “I’m bringing this to your attention so that you can do better in your next performance evaluation” may help the other understand that you’re not just criticizing for the fun of it.
After speaking to thousands of clients, this is often the biggest reason for miscommunication. Get this right.
7. Clarify Your FEEDBACK
Why? When others are clear on how they’re doing, then they can correct and improve, OR they can continue down the same path if they’re already succeeding.
We all need clear feedback, but very few of us receive it, at least in any kind of helpful manner.
Give others the gift of clear feedback. Yes, it’s a gift, because it’s helping them succeed.
How are you doing in these 7 areas of clarity? Remember, the opposite of clarity is confusion. Keeping others in a state of confusion doesn’t move things forward, but rather keeps things stuck.
And we all want to move ourselves, our teams, our companies, and our relationships forward.
So do yourself and those around you a favor and be clear . . . crystal clear.
--Sean Cox, Chicago