Lets Talk About The F Word

Hello!

 

Let’s dive right in and talk about the “F – word”!  Nooo not that . . . FEEDBACK.

 

The vast majority of us rarely receive any kind of useful feedback.

 

Oh sure, we might have one of those lame performance reviews at work, following a boilerplate, that your manager perfunctorily zips through, clearly as uncomfortable as you are with the entire assignment.

 

QUESTION: When was the last time you received feedback that was actually useful, helpful, specific, clear, behavioral, and gave you a clear corrective path of what improvement looked like?

 

Come on, you can say it.  Never.  Or rarely.

 

And if you HAVE received this kind of feedback, consider yourself fortunate.  Hopefully you took it to heart.

 

But today, let’s talk about the kind of feedback you give someone for something that recently occurred.  This method is useful for both a personal and professional context–useful for both work and “home”.

 

Use it as a leader, coworker, customer, spouse/partner, parent, neighbor . . . it’s useful for every role you find yourself in.

 

And the method?

 

S.B.I.

S . . . SITUATION

B . . . BEHAVIOR

I . . . IMPACT

Situation:  describe the context about what you’re going to talk about, and set up the conversation.

Behavior:  describe in behavioral terms what you are wanting to address–typically “the problem”.  Only what a video camera would record.  Objective, not subjective.  Fact, not opinion.  As much as possible.

Impact:  describe the negative impact the behavior has on you.  This is where the power of this method lies.  Often, people don’t take our feedback seriously UNTIL they truly understand its impact on us, typically because they had no idea.  It’s not a guarantee to get someone’s active engagement, but it’s the best I know of.

What does this look like?

Suppose you live in an apartment like many of us do in Chicago.  And you have a neighbor who has been playing his music loud the last 2 nights.  You let it slide, but as you’re heading to bed for night #3, you start hearing that “wonderful” Metallica bleeding through your shared wall.

“Ok that’s IT!!!”

But you don’t really want an ugly scene, and you prefer to avoid conflict.  You let it slide again.  You vow to yourself to say something in the morning.

So on the way out the building you see your Metallica-loving neighbor, Joe, heading out to the parking lot.

YOU:  “Hey Joe, what’s goin’ on?  Nice day!”

JOE:  “Oh, yeah, I guess so.”

YOU:  “Hey, real quick, something I want to run by you.”

JOE:  “Sure, what’s up?”

YOU:  “For the last 3 nights at bedtime (SITUATION), your music has been coming through the wall (BEHAVIOR), and it’s been really tough to sleep (IMPACT).”

JOE:  “Oh man, sorry! (what you HOPE you hear lol).  My bad!  It’s been THAT LOUD?? (grimacing)”

YOU:  “Yeahhh…”

JOE:  “Message received.  I’ll take care of it.”

YOU:  “Thanks, I really appreciate it.  Have a good day Joe.”

(end of scene)

Would that work?  What do you think?

Obviously it won’t work with everyone.  Joe might be a real jerk, in which case we would need to go to another communication tactic (I have that one for you, too, and will save that for another email).  

But this is a good place to start, giving the person the benefit of the doubt that they’ll be a respectful human being.

We have to start somewhere, and don’t need to use a bazooka if a squirt gun will work.

And by the way, this is just one method.  There are plenty others.  But this is a great starting point.  Tweak it and make adjustments as you see fit.

Giving useful feedback is an essential communication SKILL that also requires a good bit of “artistry” as well.

And here’s a tip:  practice writing some scripts effectively using all 3 elements of S.B.I.  This is a no-risk way to begin getting familiar with this method.

Until next time, keep growing in excellence!

Sean