The 2 Voices In Your Head

Recently, we looked at how we all have the innate ability to sabotage ourselves with our thinking and our thought life.

What fills our head largely determines the outcome of things.  Sure, there are other factors, but it’s hard to overestimate the role our thinking plays in, well, everything.

 So let’s stay on this topic.

Here are 2 self-assessment questions for you.

1st, in the last week, how was your thinking SELF-DEFEATING?  Reflect for a moment.  Can you recall ways your thinking held you back?

Perhaps you were overly critical of yourself.  Perhaps you got stuck in some “cognitive distortions” (we’ll go through the list another time).  Etc.

2nd, in the last week, how was your thinking SELF-EMPOWERING?  Examples of this are thinking rationally and realistically about something, making an accurate assessment, giving yourself credit and seeing your strengths when they showed up, seeing the big picture, and larger story, etc.

That was just some “bonus reflection” for last week!

TODAY, I want you to think about the 2 types of voices in your head.

And they actually relate to the reflection we just did:  one of these voices is self-defeating and DIS-empowering, and the other voice is empowering.

VOICE #1:  a HARSH voice.  Do you hear a harsh voice in your head when you make a mistake?

If so,  does it help or does it hurt the situation and your progress?

Cutting to the chase, a harsh voice in your head HURTS you.  Why?  A few reasons, but mainly because it could lead you into a downward “shame spiral”, and keep you stuck.

A milder version of a harsh voice may just keep you in your “shame” for only a brief period, but may create anxiety the NEXT time you’re attempting the same thing you just “failed” at.

VOICE #2:  a SUPPORTIVE voice.  Do you hear a supportive voice in your head when you make a mistake?

If so, does it help or does it hurt the situation and your progress?

A supportive voice is what we all need when we blow it, when we under-perform, when we make a mistake, or when we “fail”.

A supportive voice is one that is:

• Kind

• Compassionate

• Understanding

• Empathetic

• Grace-filled

You can probably use this voice when you’re trying to listen to your family and friends in difficult times.  Can you use this voice for yourself?

Some will say, “But I need my harsh voice.  Otherwise I’ll baby myself and won’t progress”.

If that’s you, I know what you mean.  You can make the final decision on this.  

However, let me make a suggestion:  rather than a harsh voice, try a “challenging” voice.  Yes, we all need a challenging voice in our head–a non-harsh, challenging voice, wrapped in a supportive voice!

A HARSH voice and a CHALLENGING voice are different.  A harsh voice is critical of you as a person, eg, “You idiot, how could you do something so stupid??”  HARSH voice.

Whereas a challenging voice is supportive of who you are as a person, but fairly assesses the objective reality, and looks at the facts of the situation, eg, “Wow, that didn’t go so well.  What happened?  I didn’t think that through as well as I could have.  I see that I made a reactive decision based on emotion, rather than taking a step back and thinking it through.  Ok lesson learned.”

Here’s your Fieldwork this week.

1. Recognize when you hear either a harsh voice, a challenging voice, or a supportive voice in your head.  For extra credit, keep a log of some kind, noting the situation, what happened, your self-talk, etc.

2. Nurture the supportive voice if you feel it’s lacking.  Maybe the volume is too low, or maybe you don’t even have this supportive voice.  You can grow it and nurture it.

This is a crucial topic.  Perhaps you’re doing well already.  At least do some self-observation to get a “read” on this.  I talk to a lot of folks that aren’t very “internally self-aware”, and don’t realize all the “gunk” going on in their heads, and as a result are massively stuck.  Take a look.

It can make a huge difference in your life.

That’s all for now.  Have a great week!