Anger moves us in many different directions. Some of these directions are helpful, productive, important. Some get us in trouble. Many are just neutral.
Anger is like fire–it has many uses and potential outcomes. It all depends on how we channel it–if we control the anger, or if the anger controls us.
In my experience, few people handle their anger effectively. There are 4 possible responses to anger– “4 faces of anger”, as I call it.
Only one sets us up for best outcomes–the other 3 are a crap shoot, that at best leave the real problem to continue, or at worst, escalate the real problem and create harmful scenarios, thus creating more problems.
We’ll get to these 4 faces of anger next time in Part 2. First, let’s talk about what anger is.
This being a brief blog article, we’re obviously not covering all the bases nor plumbing the depths on the psychology of anger.
This is a quick, practical intro.
WHAT IS ANGER, ANYWAY?
Whatever else anger does for us, it at least does these 2 things:
- alerts us
- energizes us
First, often anger is an “alert emotion”.
When a problem emerges that we interpret as some type of threat, our amazing brain does what it does to alert us that something needs our attention.
This is a simplistic example, but anger is like the oil light on our car’s dashboard. When this little red light appears, it’s telling us to get under the hood and check our oil level.
What’s the potential threat that we hopefully understand? That our engine will eventually blow up if we run the car too long without oil.
So, anger alerts us of a problem (or potential problem) so that we can pay attention to it.
And secondly, anger energizes us.
Why? So that we can address the problem that it has alerted us to.
Our brain “flips the switch” of the amygdala, which results in our sympathetic nervous system kicking in, giving us a measure of adrenaline, increased heart rate, etc., and readying us for action.
If we need to take action, then we need the physical energy to do so. Anger does this for us.
You’ve heard of the fight-flight response, right?
In order to run or “fight” (and fighting in this sense can mean simply leaning into the situation), then we need sufficient energy to do so.
Interestingly, the amount of energy we feel will be directly related to the level of threat that we perceive. If we don’t know anything about cars, we may think the oil light is a nice piece of decoration–no threat at all, just a pretty red light.
If that’s the case, we won’t experience any difference in our physical being–no sudden burst of energy after seeing the oil light come on.
Of course, the opposite can also occur. If we have the misbelief that our car is only seconds away from exploding as soon as that oil light comes on, then we’ll interpret a very high level of threat, and therefore will experience a very high level of energy.
WHAT’S THE ULTIMATE PURPOSE OF ANGER?
Anger’s ultimate purpose is to keep us safe.
When anger acts as our alarm system, it’s warning us of a threatening intruder, so to speak, so that we can take appropriate action to stay safe.
And when anger energizes us, it’s doing so by giving us the fuel (ie, energy) to take the appropriate action to address the “intruder”.
So then, anger is ultimately about protecting us from harm.
HOW SHOULD WE DEAL WITH OUR ANGER?
This really is the crucial question for all of us. Stay tuned, more on anger coming down the road!